Posted in Posts/Features, Uncategorized

From the Archives: An awkward fairytale from L.W.Patricks

This is an email i received from the amazing L.W Patricks, that I thought I’d share with you all!

Once upon a time in a bedroom far, far, away…

There was a seven-year old boy who was a coward. He was especially afraid of the mirror in his bedroom, which he secretly believed was a portal to the Kingdom of Monsters. Before going to bed, he would cover the mirror with his blanket and spend the night shivering from the cold. But at least the monsters couldn’t see him, and he was safe.

And then one day, the boy’s father discovered what the boy was doing and said, “For God’s sake, act like you have a pair,” and forbid the boy from draping his blanket over the mirror. Confused by what “a pair” meant, he began sleeping with a “pair” of cheap plastic toy swords, hoping that the neon-coloured Sword of Grayskull and the dollar store katana was enough to intimidate the monsters.

Seeing as how the boy still had to sleep with one-eyed open (which he found impossible to do), the boy now faced another dilemma. You see, his mother once told him that “if you don’t get eight hours of sleep, you’ll die. Now please, stop running around and go to bed.” (P.S. If and when you have children, never tell them that. It seriously messes them up…forever).

Not wanting to die from a lack of eight hours sleep, he needed a new plan. He decided to create an army of Monster Hunters, consisting mainly of his Teddy Bears, He-Man action figures (minus Skeletor…that scoundrel), Transformers, and Cabbage Patch Kids. Before he went to sleep, he placed his army around the mirror, positioning them for an invasion into the Kingdom of Monsters while he slept.

And sleep he did. For eight hours.

During the day, the boy imagined how the midnight battles played out between his toys and the monsters. They were always such epic battles, and fearing that he would forget the stories, he began writing them down.

And an author was born.

Now 24 years later, the boy stand before you as some guy from the internet who you gave your email to…but he’s grateful you gave it to him because he wanted to share this tale with you.

He is also honoured if you’d give his first book: Shadow of Wrath a try. But don’t worry, even if you don’t buy it, he still likes you and he’ll still manage eight hours of sleep a night.

And if you did purchase it, you’re worthy to be a general in his Monster Hunter army! Thank you!

The End.

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